palindrome

I: (demonic/disgrace)

it all began with a broken heart
distorted pain clogged his logic
and
caused turbulence to his flight
the escape that
was planned years before when he still had logic
the broken heart left room for interference
the collapse smelled of burnt carcass
in desert plains with dust in tiny tornadoes
at first he denied the pain
replaced it with pleasure
(though he could not remember her name he remembered her hair)
(the tattoo on her outer thigh)
(the rose)
(the turtle)
he packed light and walked heavy
stormed the front door
plowed the gravel in worn down shoes
the walk lasted an hour
before he
sat on the sidelines and gawked at the inner rage
that
stifled access to a clear cut plan
no more routine
no more after work chatter
no more sex'less nights
with
bad television and scented candles
it all blew off from his disrespect
and
cowardly conduct
his thoughts told him he was right
while he
dismissed her argument and called it "selfish"
while he, himSELF, inhaled dust
and
dined on grease pans of cheap bacon
washed with motel hand soap
and brown river water
horny rotten tooth meth addicts considered him a model
he fell for it
despite the instincts with blared radar to re-direct his risk habit
he justified the lack-there-of
held his breath for the loose body
packed with baby powder
the remains never washed off
the regret never settled

II: (ex...((it))...(communicate))...)

the broken heart bled
contaminated his lungs
shortened his breath
he lingered on the outskirts with hand cut t-shirts
and trampled denim torn by rusty nails
the Medford cold froze his face to permanent frown
his mid-drift shot pains of over caffeinated substitutes
the alcoholic in him screamed for mercy
he hammered his pounding leg that walked him off the wagon
while he stumbled on farm plants and clinging Monkeys
the med'z ran out the day before
(no refills)
(no insurance)
(she'd removed his name from the plan the day he packed)
caught his breath by a freeway breeze
coughed dry heaves of constipation
he staggered about the over pass
uncomfortable by the stick of his boxers
he screamed out loud
over traffic
cried before passing auto-motives
who
blared horns of "FUCK YOU" with fictitious hate
that
ignited his exit in plain sight
they call it "the easy way out"
he calls it "the only way out"
God dropped him off in the Meadowlands
long
before he'd had a chance to submit his heart
before he'd had a chance to forgive his strays
before he'd had a chance to know natural lust
(untainted by his molesters)
before him stood a brick wall
the palindrome spelled twice confirmed his suspicion
no more debate
only follow-thru
the threat long past it's deadline
action called out echos

III: (return/rebuke)

he didn't die that night
the broken heart flooded his brain
fractured his faith
he awoke by tumble weed
allergies inflamed
Klammath Falls wet lands doused in snow patches
he faced pathways that lead back home
his resistance laid in pride
restless apologies damaged his motives
predictions of discomfort nailed his feet
assumptions of cold shoulders punctured his veins
32 years of repetition to support prediction
he longed for dark corners
kidnappers and hijacks
distractions and diversions
car wrecks and cluster'fucks
he stood between home and the distance
to measure depths of recourse
the palindrome crackled in friction
the broken heart flat'lined reconciles